Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Enjoy Your Cry
We then started using signals for when he thought he was going to fall and I would be by his side to keep him balanced. I finally talked him into using a cane. That was like pulling teeth and most of the time he wont use it.
My Dad walked with his shoulders back chest out, he stood strong, strong as he could! He was a proud man! I love you so .... and I cry!
I just wanted him to walk with me again. He laid in the bed for 7 years before he passed and it use to hurt to see him, so when I ran, I ran for him too. I would cry and sweat and sweat and cry. I just wished he can come see me run again. He was my biggest cheerleader. "Go Pamma-Lamma-Lam." Even working many jobs, at nights him and mom would be along side in the car driving cheering me on.
I dont cry much now that he has passed. I feel like he is always with me. I could imagine him walking, golfing and playing his drums singing and being happy. He is being his charming self, radiating joy from his eyes, smile and personable conversation. He stands strong in my heart, my legs, my runs and I hear him clearly. I able to receive very warm and happy memories of my Dad so when I cry now, its all joy! He's not in any pain and Im happy about that.
When I'm running over 13 miles, I run with father's drum stick. At that time I feel closer, like we are hand in hand and my thoughts are 'he is closer to me, to my heart.' Forever I love you Dad, I glad I have such an awesome father, he did his thing here! Whenever you feel the need .... Enjoy your cry!